Broke down.

 ♥
to be honest , i have no idea why did things went this way . nothing's right . sigh . 
i've always want to break down for a long time . finally . it has been a hard time for me , not sure if anyone noticed it . well , i doubt so . someone whom i can trust , and share my things with , pour everything out to , is it that difficult ? that's what i wanted . fate maybe . 
keeping everything to oneself isn't something good , tend to have insomnia , worrying about things that doesn't even concern me . 
Trying my best to lose weight nowadays , i skipped meals even though i know that it's not healthy , it'll not help to slim down or whatever shit . in fact , gaining weight . why will i still do that even when i know the consequences ? simply bc that , i have no one to eat with . yah FA la . forever alone la i know . funny isn't it ? laugh the shit out thankyou . really , that's why i visited the library everyday . there's the only place where i don't feel awkward being alone . imagine eating alone in canteen . one person take one bench . woah daisai uh isn't it . somemore , there's a few ppl whom i'm afraid to met . coward much . and , if i ask ppl if i can join them for recess , i'm like super thick skin . and break them . why couldn't i just die when i'm sleeping or smth ? i don't think anyone will understand how i feel . that pain inside , that feeling when you just want to cry out loud but you're afraid that ppl may think that you're attention seeking . tbh . i really wanted to go somewhere far far away , nobody will be there , and cry shout whatever i want out loud , nobody will judge . realised that i'm super quiet in class . i'll never talk unless someone asked me things or smth . i think got me or not it doesn't even matter . can't wait to end my miserable secondary school life . really . i find my existence annoying extra , no one will appreciate me la horh . sigh , why must we only know how to cherish when someone's gone . 
and . i'm tired of faking smiles . 

chapter 2 , page 32 of 365

surprisingly , first of febuary fell on a friday , wow . it's already febuary , a new month , a new start . but obviously , somethings are still not forgotten . hating this so much , things that i want to forget are not forgotten , and things that i don't want to forget are forgotten . sighpie .
well , finally got to have my lunch with brandon and junheng . hah , it had been 3 weeks since we said that we should have lunch tgt one day . but due to the hectic schedule that we have , we didn't managed . Cindy didn't came along bc she wanted to chiong maple . haha wtf . so we had subway . and i was being laughed at bc i dk how to order . so previously , it's the person that i am eating with ordered for me . oh and , brandon said that 我吃东西很恐怖 . bc things kept dropping . haha , he wondered if there's any holes in my mouth . haha . he even snapped a pic of me when i'm eating . hmph . unglam la sial .
once in awhile , there's always something that made my day .
other than that , everything isn't fine . i've lost someone whom i could share my things with . sigh . now i know that how important that person is . no one to share my feelings with . this feeling sucks a lot y'know . hais . i'm like a extra soul wandering around now . single and free . no one to lean on , never someone's first priority . this sucks a lot . i swear . so saddening , depressing , whatever . i couldn't find a word to describe this feeling . sigh . i don't mind killing myself or what . since my existence will not affect anyone , but a burden . enough of all those .

page 31 of 365

time flies , poof , it's the last day of January already , wow , months passed like days .
it's just the first month , shits are already happening , ups and downs .
i finally see the reason why upper sec do not need weekly tests ha
didn't do well for both emath and chem's test .
going to work doubly hard for it .
had my phys and geog test today . don't think i can even pass LOLOL
amath tmr and english on monday . sigh . tests tests tests .

basically , to sumarise the first month ,
i'm still surviving . hah , SYF is in 3 months' time .
can't wait for march holidays , so that i can go out and reunite with people or maybe meeting up ! :o
hah , but my health condtion is like E8 . ha , other than that , i can still take it
kbye .

yadseut

 ♥
Back blogging on a random school day ! i am bored , so i did this . heh . 
Encountered the worst relief teacher today . and i might be facing her for the next two weeks . sigh . bc Mr Wong was on course for two weeks . eh sigh . She speaks like a robot . she don't give a fuck on those who's in class . she don't even stop and ask if we understand , but continued . so everyone's face will be like '._. huh' . majority fall asleep . one of them was me . haha , really uh . 
Oh , extra sectional practice to day ! cello and bass section is like damn 'bonded' . LOL . i really don't know what to do with the sec twos . attitude much . call them come for practice like want them give 100$ like that . seriously . and and , it's like they're taught how to play certain bars ytd . and they've forgotten today . wow , i didn't know that my brain was better than their's . amazing . Really had a hard time with them . they couldn't read notes , so i made them to copy the 'five musical lines' or whatever shit . haha . LOL one of them even dare to ask 'HUH , 不要抄可以吗? 下次then抄.' seriously . still dare to tell me what they can say they sick , then don't come on monday . wtf . you think the seniors got a lot of time to re teach and re teach agn is it . your house ah . nowadays ah , tsktsk . 
HAH , enough of complaining . 

;time

 ♥
What's the thing that doesn't wait ? yea , it's time . Twenty seven days had passed , so quickly . As usual , i have not visit the canteen for a proper meal . well , at least i could save money and get my polaroid as soon as possible . I have not been updating for a period of time . thanks to the never ending schoolwork . and i think that my gastric had worsen . 
 ♥
Chinese New Year is coming soon . it means that i'm going back to m'sia . sigh , i'll probably have a hard time catching up my schoolwork after that . i'm not looking forward to CNY . 
 ♥
Ah Boys to men part two is coming out soon ! can't wait to catch it . but, i still have no idea who to watch with ! anw , their theme song was so awesome , meaningful and touching , http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gI0s1r6_HQ&list=LLVkK96MtZLanoOCVte4ooEQ
loving it ! . and and and , bigbang's alive tour had officially ended . well done , my boys . <3 
 ♥
Yoop'13 was sup sup awesome . really miss them . although i didn't spent a lot of time with them , i'm still satisfied . 1E3'13 <3 They are all so cute , and adorable . had fun . tbh , i'm not really close with the girls , and i have no idea why . but they're awesome as one ! Maybe it's bc i mingled too slowly . haha anw . thanks for the good time . 
Weishan is a chicken, clap x3
Tata is a tartar sauce , clap x3
Weiteng is a stalker , clap x3
Sheryee is a piggy , Clap x3
Cindy is a candy , clao x3
Howei is a santa , clap x3
Joshua is a jollybean , clap x3
Cyril is a cereal , clap x3
sorry Dave and Nurin :x 
1E3 is AWESOME ! Clap Clap Clap ! 

I LOVE YOU ALL

.

Sorry for not posting for a long time . school's tiring , really . 
it's no longer the sec one and two's life . so slackkish , stress-free . 
Seems that sec three is when everyone got matured unknowingly . right ?
Things doesn't go the way they supposed . 
it's just third week of school , and i've already feel the urgent , the important of sec three . 
really fucked up with my current timetable . tons of homework , and i still have lot of things to do at home .
another major thing is SYF . it'll happen in mid april . so yeah . 
three months more to endure . 
after that , i'm a little free . 
to be honest , i feel so old out of a sudden . 
weekends are no longer a time for me to enjoy and relax , 
but a time for me to complete all my homework and revisions . 
if i'm already suffering in sec three , how am i going to survive in sec four ? 
emath and amath isn't easy . brain is required . 
sigh . pray that i could conquer the major exams this year . 
amen . 
not a time for relationship shit . 
shall update the orientation post another day .  

drifted .

hello , it has been a week , since i last blogged . well , things happened . it's like , all my fault , my wrong , my bad . probably , over stubborn , dumb , and stupid . shouldn't have done all that . or even tweeted the 'rt for a shoutout' tweet . lost someone that cared for me , and i cared for . how dumb . i know . i always failed to be someone's good friend , i gives shit . it has been a long time , since i last smiled so much . really . but , it's all over . Mary Jane, by Click five 's lyrics really spoken my heart out . Orientation camp tomorrow . having difficulties to stay hyper , and bright . tired of everything . really . 
[ I didn't cry the day you moved away
Didn't think that I would feel this painUntil I saw the stranger that was you
Whatever happened to our innocenceAnd it's something that you set by being friendsTell me how, help me say the words out loud
Could it be that nothing's gonna change?'Cause time has gone away, you're taking backEverything you thought you had
Can't you see the girl you used to be?The one I lost when I let go of youOh, whatever happened to Mary JaneI need to wake up from the state of mindThe situation is a staying kindI gotta catch your memory out of my head
Would you catch me if I had to fall?Would you even find the time to doubt it all?Tell me how, help me say the words out loud
Could it be that nothing's gonna change?'Cause time has gone away, you're taking backEverything you thought you had
Can't you see the girl you used to be?The one I lost when I let go of youOh, whatever happened to Mary Jane
'Cause time is taking backEverything I thought we had, Mary JaneHope you say the words out loud
Could it be that nothing's gonna change?'Cause time has gone away, you're taking backEverything you thought you had
Can't you see the girl you used to be?The one I lost when I let go of youOh, whatever happened to Mary JaneOh, whatever happened to Mary Jane ]