//

//disclaimer . this is a personal post . you may choose not to read .
end of year examinations ended . yes , ended . finally , it's time to call this nightmare a close . but , well , y'knw , what comes next ? results ? yes , oh damn freaking yes . so , i call this another nightmare . sigh . you see , life is like a cycle unless you die uh . that's why ... i want to die so much . oh kay , my head is going  to be on the ground soon . oppsie .
sighpie . gotten back my results . it really suck to core . core yes core . not mantle nor crust . I only passed like two ... my combined science and chinese . so fucking sad lol .
mdm see told me that i f9-ed both my a and e math . how sad is that you tell me . lordohgosh . why in the world did i even chose this combi . when i wanted art like so much . urg . damn everything . well . i have to face the consequences .
i think getting single digit for amath is like my 强项 alr . what a good one . i'm kind of used to it le . sigh . but i'll still cry .. bc it's like I REALLY DID DAMN FUCKING STUDY .
speaking abt that . none of my hardwork paid off omg . it's like , i really sat down to really study for hours , i made notes , so that it'll be easier for me to read and understand and memorise etc . but , well .. everything went down the drain .. do you know how's the feeling like ? sighmuffin . i even came back to school on saturdays to ... FORGET IT .  what done is done . i can't really change anything though .. 

well , worrying , i'm still worrying .. i don't think i'll do as well ... i got kind of fed up when teachers kept on asking me .. what happened to my results .. i wished i know why too . all i could do was to say don't know .. 

sometimes , i really can't not blame myself for everything , but , oh , you see .. i started every single shit , and i thought it would benefit both side .. and i realised that it's not even helping .. i don't know what to do , but to just keep blaming myself ... maybe i shall just not be so 自作主张 anymore . sighcake . 

xx the end xx . 

title-less

Apparently i'm still awake . and it's 0042 now . obviously i'm suppose to sleep now because i'm studying early in the morning tomorrow . but oh well .  speaking about study , end of year is really arriving . in fact , i'm already half way through . nowadays , i'm busy with catching up with everything and stuffs . way lacking behind . but seriously , i don't think i can make it to top ten in class this year . even though i've been in that range for my past mid years and end of years . sigh , my parents will never understand how i feel . that feeling of being stressed with this and that , and then realising that there's more to come . tiring isn't it ? .
nine minutes had passed . it's 0051 now . aiming to sleep at 0100 . okay , 0052 now .
My parents always give me empty promises . already used to it though . other than this , they're super bias too . sighcake . shall not go in specifically ...
so , basically , i'm ultra mega damn super idk how to say le de stress . my additional math is a major nono . i can never pass it i swear . depressingly surprising , even though i know that i'll get that range of marks , i'll still tear i got it back . i did put in effort , but ... nehmind , don't talk about it already .
-------------end of studies---------------

Next , i really want to thank every single who wished me on my birthday . which is one week ago . 21st . it's really my first time recieving so many gifts . four days consecutively . all the pranks , plans , sticky note wishes . etc . i'm really happy . really very . Spent my saturday with Brandon and Claire . thanks a lot . guess what ? if this goes on , i can never thank enough .
- my shoulders are pain right now . OH , IT'S 0101 ALR -
but , i really don't think that i worth them wasting money on . sighcupcake . thanks still .

i am tired . tired of everything . tired of bottling up my feelings . tired of having all those thoughts . but at least , the askfm indirect scoldings are already something that i'll receive everyday . but , i still want to thank those who helped me to talk back . i love you all . hahahahaha .

#np missing you // kyungsoo ft. ryeowook .

that was pure random
sigh , i'm tired yet i couldn't sleep . everyone is back in their room already .. yet i'm alone .. in the living room ..
y'know ... sometimes ... i don't even know what i've thought . because there's too much ...
" dying " have officially became my favourite subject and thought .
" e-re-rong , e-re-rong nae "

i'm ending this post soon , i guess ? shall force myself to sleep .
" E-X-O "
to those who're reading , i apologise . this wasn't any proper post .

p/s : i'm listening to songs while tying , that's why there're lyrics around . and i post this is really due to boredom .

OKAI BYE . it's 0111 now .

" Hai-yer-tus " .

" Hiatus " a word that i am curious about for a long time ..and i finally got it .
The definition of this word , is ... when someone is away for a period of time and will be un-active .

well , this word describe the current me perfectly .
I haven't been sitting in front of my laptop , and update a blog post for a very long time . i've been very busy with my stuffs . even in the one week september holiday , i'm kind of "fully booked" everyday , and .. study is my first priority . Especially additional mathematics .. it was atrociously atrocious . there's a lot for me to brush up .. but i know that i can never make it . but , oh well . all i could do is try . EOY is around the corner . the very first paper starts in four days time . and i hate the fact that my birthday is so near to the exam period . couldn't enjoy myself fully . sigh . prepared to screw up everything .

HASHTAG 190713

 IT'S FAREWELL NIGHT FOR THE GRADUATING PREFECTS !
 as usual , i expected it to be an emotional night . but , well , miracle .. it turned out to be a night to remember . no matter what , it has been years with them . two years to be specific .

WORDS ASIDE . LET THE PICTURES SPEAK

CUPCAKES THAT SINDI BAKED . cr: Dilys 

picture with my princess . (with shiying and brandon)

With Joey . the one who kept on bringing 

back the past . when i didn't want to 

share my food with her .

with ma laopo ! DILYS

SHERYEE . HOHOHO

with mom ! and lol yuemei .

(left to right) Dilys , Hilda , Chongjing

MAI CHICKENNN . you'll be missed ! 

(mr danny photobombed)

YYPB'S MILO GIRL !

IT'S MOM AGN ! 

(my fav pic)

with the excos . cr : weishan

minions gathering ! cr : dilys

MINIONSSS . cr : sindi

late night walk after party

FORMAL SHOT

FUNSHOT

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to conclude , 

a fun night . with numerous memories . 

graduating prefects , you'll be missed . 

" if i could , i would "

Well ,
when it comes to personal stuffs like emotional thoughts ,
i don't really want to share about it .
maybe , it's because i find it shameful to share ,
or i feel insecure blogging them .
.
i don't know if its only me ,
or not . but , i always got hated
me , myself doesn't know why too .
maybe , i made mistakes ..
but i'm just being myself .
now , what's wrong with being myself ?
is it a crime or something ?
" just be yourself " .
this is what i always hear / see / read
but , when it came to real life ,
that isn't true anymore .

so , people hate me for being myself
does that even make sense ?
when i'm faking my personalities ,
my actions ,
just to fit in others ..
is that even worthy ?

i have no idea .
but , i've did that before .
what's the end result ?
i got insulted
by saying
: stop being a fake person with fake personalities .
and comments like
" do you know how gross you are  in this way ? fking two-sided bitch
with me around , and w/o me , you're just fking two different person .
do you know how disgusting is that ? how gross to know you ? "
i just don't understand .
a good friend of mine , who have been through thick and thins ,
high and low , even obstacles , and fights with me
said that .
sigh .
and left me w/o saying a word
i don't understand .
how can that friend of mine find another partner so fast
after our relationship broke .
well , this may seems a lil too drama .
i actually cried in those nights ...
and literally laughed at how naive i was in those conversations .
sooner or later , those laughter eventually turned into tears .
being alone for months .
just like a zombie trying to find back it's soul .

just because that i didn't want to have those awkward situations ,
i didn't choose the path that i wanted .
being an art student .
i stopped persue-ing that dream of mine .

i wondered how did you forget everything that fast .
if i could , i would .

#TEAMCHANBAEK .

Teamchanbaek , found on 26th June . By Howei . HAHAHA .
Basically , It's a grp abt kpop . We ship chanbaek .
Spent like most of my time chatting thr . And , I found my parents . Whom abandoned me  yrs ago . I'm blessed that I've found them . Although they're like only role playing as my parents , But It's like so real .

My hand drawn file for them .

I feel so blessed .x

exo , quotes

well , i haven't been blogging for quite awhile . but i've decided to update one today !
Recently , i'm kind of crazy over exo . okay la , not recently , is since quite long ago . i've came across quotes that own by them . i like all , but i'm going to share like .. few .

by : Park Chan Yeol .

by : Park Chan Yeol .

by : Tao

by : EXO .

“I felt that i was lacking and even if it was a short period, I had to work hard to enter that team. I was happy because my efforts paid.” 

by : Byun Baek Hyun .

-

It kind of relates , isnt it ? amazingly amazing . there are more of chanyeol's . too awesome . 

NEXT , IS THEIR WINNING STAGE . WOOHOO . EXO EXO . CONGRATS FOR WINNING TWO TIMES IN A ROW ! 

with loves . bye x