words .

Words , what are words ? words may just be a petite thing , but it contains unsung powers .

"words hurt more than actions do" . I kind of agree to this . well , think of a scenario , when someone dislikes you , and they purposely trips you , shame you , ignores you . But , when they comment something bad about you , calling you names , putting words in your mouth , spreading rumors about you . which hurts more ? it can be either one , i believes that .. different people have different perspective . I personally feel that , words hurts me more than action does . On the other hand , there's this saying "action speaks louder than words" . This is another scenario .

Have you ever been called names ? Not counting those which were called by your close friends and they don't mean it obviously . I have , since kindergarten 1 . "don't be a slut , bitch , whore , asshole leh . knn , so flirt for fuck ? . you suck , yes you really do . why are you even here ? eww ." and more . Everytime when i'm being called names like this , i acted like i don't care , i don't give a damn , it didn't affect me . But actually , deep inside , it hurts like fuck . I've tried seeking friends to rant to them , but they all said "don't care la , it's just words , words can't hurt much ." Well , but it hurts me , and it means a lot . There're days , and even nights , when I just stare into blank and let thoughts run through my mind , there will always be questions like "yea , why do i even exist ? i'm just wasting everybody's resources" , "why do i flirt so much" , and even suicidal thoughts .

Cut , yes i do cut . By now , most of my classmates already know that I cut . I didn't manage to hide the scars well , even though it's only two cuts . But it's kind of deep . There is no specific reason why i did that , it's just a mix of everything . And i'm sure that my scars are permanent . well , my mom says that those scars are ugly , every guy who sees it , will not want to be my boyfriend . lmao . i don't know what the other think , everybody is advising me to stop cutting , but it's like an ... addiction .. or part of my life . i'm so tempted to cut more lines , but ... it'll be obvious that i cut , so i'm keeping it to two .. and i lied to most of the people who asked me :/ . what's life without a little lie .

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ps : my grammars .