Reminiscing ;

decided to took some time off studying to blog , because i've been wanting to blog about this topic for the longest time . // disclaimer : you can choose to not read if you are already judging the title . 

Well , hello , as you can see , i've changed my blog look after the previous one stayed for around a year . The current one suits me more , i guess . not as girly as compared to the previous one .. with the pink themed ferris wheel as my header , all the curls etc . Keeping it to white as the base colour is definitely a must for me . White base just give me the feel that i'm classy ((meh)) , simple and it hides most of my personalities . Actually , how i designed my blog , links to how i feel . 

There's a few things I'd like to touch on in the post . Do bear it with me as this may get a little lengthy .

Firstly , i'm already missing my long hair . i have no idea what's the length of my hair that i've cut away . Everything is so weird now , not really weird just haven't get used to it . Previously , when i sit down , my hair could touch my upper thighs , and it's only at my breast area now ... Other than that , when i tied a high ponytail , i could bring my ponytail to the front and smell my hair . it can't even reach my nose now . on the other hand , after cutting my hair , i feel refreshed , it's like a change in me . My head is not as heavy anymore . 

If you're a constant reader of my blog , ((i don't think i have any)) , you should know that i am still dwelling over this relationship of me and my ex-bestfriend . haven't got over it for around two years , Even though i already have a new bff , and i'm glad to say that , but i still can't seem to get over it . Have you ever trusted a person with all your wills , and you never doubted them ? no matter how much that person rejected you , hurts you , you're still willing to go back to them once they need you . You'll still place them as your first priority , when you're not their first . Well , i think it's really time for me to move on . I just have to try harder .

Four years had past , in a few blinks . Yesterday seems to be just the first day of my secondary school life . wow . I can hardly cope with my studies as compared to the times when i'm still a lower sec student . Things get harder . Especially when i chose the wrong subject combination . This suck , doesn't it ? I tried studying for the subject that i regretted choosing - amath . but no matter how hard i tried , i still don't understand anything , and yesterday was amath's paper one . I only have confident in one question . goodluck howei . My academics in Primary school isn't really constant too . I did pretty well when i'm in primary 1 and 2 . subsequently , the other years was plainly horrible . Taking two o'level subjects when i'm in NA stream was a big challenge . Provided that i'm not like any of those clever kids out there . I really hope that i could do well for my national examinations . and get the point that my parents wanted , and get in the course that i longed for . 

Here are some pic when my hair is still long . 

//pardon my grammar//

loves ; 

words .

Words , what are words ? words may just be a petite thing , but it contains unsung powers .

"words hurt more than actions do" . I kind of agree to this . well , think of a scenario , when someone dislikes you , and they purposely trips you , shame you , ignores you . But , when they comment something bad about you , calling you names , putting words in your mouth , spreading rumors about you . which hurts more ? it can be either one , i believes that .. different people have different perspective . I personally feel that , words hurts me more than action does . On the other hand , there's this saying "action speaks louder than words" . This is another scenario .

Have you ever been called names ? Not counting those which were called by your close friends and they don't mean it obviously . I have , since kindergarten 1 . "don't be a slut , bitch , whore , asshole leh . knn , so flirt for fuck ? . you suck , yes you really do . why are you even here ? eww ." and more . Everytime when i'm being called names like this , i acted like i don't care , i don't give a damn , it didn't affect me . But actually , deep inside , it hurts like fuck . I've tried seeking friends to rant to them , but they all said "don't care la , it's just words , words can't hurt much ." Well , but it hurts me , and it means a lot . There're days , and even nights , when I just stare into blank and let thoughts run through my mind , there will always be questions like "yea , why do i even exist ? i'm just wasting everybody's resources" , "why do i flirt so much" , and even suicidal thoughts .

Cut , yes i do cut . By now , most of my classmates already know that I cut . I didn't manage to hide the scars well , even though it's only two cuts . But it's kind of deep . There is no specific reason why i did that , it's just a mix of everything . And i'm sure that my scars are permanent . well , my mom says that those scars are ugly , every guy who sees it , will not want to be my boyfriend . lmao . i don't know what the other think , everybody is advising me to stop cutting , but it's like an ... addiction .. or part of my life . i'm so tempted to cut more lines , but ... it'll be obvious that i cut , so i'm keeping it to two .. and i lied to most of the people who asked me :/ . what's life without a little lie .

//

ps : my grammars .

CAREER DAY WITH 4N1 .

Career fair/day '2014 , a tiring yet memorable day for everybody (i guess) . We are encouraged to wear our work wear to school . Even our reporting time is somehow similar with those adults who're working out there . 

Instead of 7:30AM , we reports at 9:50 . So , we all met at mac , to have breakfast (i didn't) , and we could have a good look at each other's outfit , have a good laugh too . 

I was the first to arrive . so i went in to look for my classmate . but... all i see was express students . and they're all like staring (more like judging) . hahaha . i kennut . Therefore i left , and stand outside . At that time , i was feeling super awkward , as i'm not the type of person who'll wear such short skirts (other than school skirt) . Before i left house , my mom says that i look like some young girl trying to step mature .. wtf , i kennut . 

Soon , brandon , felicia (yay my clutch supplier) , cindi , juanpoh etc , came . slowly i don't feel that awkward anymore . 

After breakfast , we head back to school . our whole na batch is late . (so bonded sia) .

The first session was located in our classroom . It's just talks teaching us what to do and what to not do during an interview etc . handshakes , postures , etc . We talked about career , personalities too . according to that , i'm a high C . So i am calm at all times , not very lively (so not me) . Personally , i find this boring . 

Lunch time , my clique and some guys decided to go to the mama shop (yolo mah) . i got upskirt by the wind -_- . 

The next part wasn't really interesting too . as we have speaker from NYP and west ITE . dang , so boring . we have ex students who chose various pathways to share with us their experience too . 

((Ms Choo was so pissed with the 4NAs hahahahaha i kennut)) .

Finally , last part , which is booths visiting . 

overall , its a pleasant experience , as we get to experience the timing of a normal working adult . honestly speaking . taking pictures is our hobby . 

Felicia , JieYing , Cindi . 

with Nicholas .

With Ela baby .

My wifey , Gracia .

Bella , Lewin , Feliiiiiii .

With ma badass bff .

Elvin Ong ! 

Belllllllaa !

Darren !

KONG FU POH .

My Lewinn .

JunHeng .

Lewin (proper shot)

 

Cindi x Feli

man in his sixties .

jk

primary school friend .

sorry , we photobombed angela and feli .

Bff .

My eyecandy , Joel .

lewin blocked me :( .

Here comes Bella .

I suffocated .

Jieying came in w/o noticing me .

Oh , she saw me .

*girls generation feel*

So tall sia me .

best class pic :* 

Life ; Pathway .

2 days after valentines , sixteenth of February , Sunday . I finally found sometime to spend with my lappy . Thus , i blogged . 

On Thursday , thirteenth , our school held the inter sudoku mania competition for primary school students for the second year . in-surprisingly , i'm involved too . before the actual day , we had ran several rehearsals for two days , which took up a couple of hours off my studying time .   It's kind of worthy , since on the actual day , we received praises , and the primary school students had smiles on their faces , what a thing . 

This year , my CCA , chinese orchestra had twenty plus secondary one students joining us . We had a bonding session on Friday . Those hours were mostly filled with fun and laughter . But to be honest , the sec ones are getting ruder year by year . We played double whacko , which is a major headache for everyone , as , we really have to remember the names . when i am in the inner circle , the person behind me suffered a lot ... because .. EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME XD . Every section had a small intro of the instruments afterwards , and the secondary ones had a chance to try out . Satisfyingly , my section managed to pull 4 students . and one of them is the cute guy *must maintain* . Oh , not to forget , the sec ones this year are receiving much more valentines' present than i do . *CRIES* . one of them even got the S$70 + g-dragon coup de'tat album . *CRIES AN OCEAN* . most of them got bags of soft toys .  *CRIES A RIVER* . 

After all this , the common test week is coming . therefore , there will be tons of upcoming tests . Pathway of life will be filled of ups and downs , rights and wrongs , praises and scoldings , successes and fails . 

Bye January .

Annyeong . kekeke . This is my second post of the day . Well , today was my last day of school for the month January . Because i'm leaving for malaysia later on , at 4am in the morning . so ... i managed to skip two days of school ? (there's hardly any important lesson on thursday though , it's just 2 periods of pe) . Even though it's only the first month , there's already things bothering me .

Firstly ; Time constraint . I hardly have any spare time to do my studying and reading up . Everyday seems like so full . (pardon my sentence structure) . It's like , there're many "events" after school that lasts until quite late .. and by the time i packed up , left , and reached home , it's already 7+ to 730 in the evening . After that , i have to finish stuffs like house chores etc , wash up too . I've been either staying up late or waking up early in the morning , like 0430 , or even both , nowadays . Thus , i'm normally half dead when i'm in school . (probably this solves the qn : why do i look so lifeless/sad in school these days) . Is it me or what , I realised that i'm less lively .. eotteoke ? . Hopes that this routine doesn't last .

Secondly ; to be very very very honest , i don't think i suit the role as a chairman in co though . idk why too ... i just feel that way . Recently , "Do you deserve that place ?" , "Why are you here ?" , "Where's your potential ? do you see it ?" strikes me . What to do ? .

Thirdly (lastly ?) ; Amath . I'm thinking if i should just give up on it .. Since I don't get anything .. despite me trying my best to understand . These days , as and when there's amath lesson , i hardly look forward to it . When there's amath homework given , i tried doing it ... but i couldn't write anything out , so i'll end up crying (lol) . yknw , normally , when people wants to give up something , they hardly give a damn on that particular thing . but .... sigh . i didn't want to disappoint Mr Wong , my parents , etc . Well , on the other hand , i want to give up . so messed up , so confused . like , when brandon called me on monday , asking me if i want amath's 10yr series , i immediately blurted out "no , i don't want" . i'm pretty sure that this thought didn't go into my mind . sigh amath .

That's all i guess . Tbh , there's stll afew .. i couldn't remember it now .
x .

YOOP '2014 .

Hooray ! YOOP'14 had finally ended :') . hard works , scoldings , shoutings , preparations , did pay off . It's actually a 6 days orientation for the sec ones . Was actually hoping to get 1E3 with Joshua , since i've been orientating that class for the past two years . Well , i got 1N2 instead .

This is my 10th camp with the school , 9th camp in school , 4th orientation camp . i shall start with day one .

DAY ONE :
Frankly speaking , i was expecting this class to be quiet . As the trend had proven that , from my batch onwards (2011) , Normal Acad classes are more well behaved , more attentive , much more easy to be settled as compared to the express classes . But .. NO . they doesn't make it seems like it's their second day of school , second day meeting their classmates . Bring them to tour around the school isn't something very easy . because , firstly : they're noisy . which leads to the second point , they're not as cooperative . After the tour , we still have plenty of time before we can dismiss them .. so we taught them the typical school cheer which everybody in the school knows , which was the yuying cheer .

DAY TWO :
Day two falls on a wednesday , so this means that there's no early dismissal , which means that we doesn't have much time with them . //recalling what we've done in prog// . OH . everything was kind of behind time on that day .. coping up with the events lined for that day was .... kinda challenging . we ended up cutting down the game's timing .. therefore they have enough time to plan for their shine night performance . Well , as i've expected , the planning isn't done very smoothly . agrees and disagrees here and there , now and then . They first came out with the idea of singing a song .. and i was like " :o " . But , hehe , after several times of thinking twice , they chose dance . yay . "an obstacle after another" . here comes the next one ; choosing of song . basically , it's a fight between the guys and the girls , tense is formed , thus , conflict . hahaha , but oh well , it was settled . thanks to the GSL though .

DAY THREE :
The sec fours isn't around due to poly open house , so the sec threes took over . Overall , everything went quite smoothly , but , the dance steps isn't out yet .

DAY FOUR :
It's their second last day to practice their dance . but they only managed to figure out half .. which was quite well done . heh . Today , i managed to bond with the sec ones , not all , but a few . bc for the previous sessions , i wasn't that clost to them .. I only know the chairperson , my neighbour and some girls from my primary . hahahahahha . According to my poor memory , i got closer to Jeffrey and Jonas that day i guess ? bc they talked to me first hahahaha . Despite the number of scoldings that we gave on that day , it's well passed .

DAY FIVE // CAMP DAY 1 :
WOOHOO ! ARE YOU GUYS REAAAADYYYYYYY ? :B . IT'S THE YOOP CAMP DAY ONEEEE !!!!!! . Howei was sosososososo excited for the camp (actually i'm not) . Wasn't with the class for the station games section , because i'm one of the game masters . hehehehehe . my voice was gone during that time alr . stupid yekai don't want to help me , so i have to do it the other way . hahahah . sorry though . after that , we went back to the class to do some last minute rehearsals . I was totally panicking , bc i have to think of some dance steps for the first 50 sec . it was a solo for the facilitators . so khansa and me went to some ulu corner in the school to get inspiration . so when we're listening to the song , i was actually doing some random dance moves ... and we called it our dance steps :B . bravo to me :D . thus , we hopped back to class due to our happiness hahahahaha . and we tried to teach  the rest of the prefects , but .. it's our slot already , so we headed to the hall for rehearsal . it turned out ......... quite well .
SKIP
so after that , i quickly taught the prefects the dance , and tada ! we can combine with the class already ! so happy .
SKIP
after dinner , it's SHINE NIGHT ! . parents are walking in , settling down , trying to spot their kids etc . while us , cam whoring . when everything is settled , all the facilitators went to the back stage to prepare for the walk in . yes , i said walk in . but when it's my turn .... i ran instead . haha , can't be blamed , i have this phobia of standing on stage . Typically , we're doing all the cheers , i'm overly hyperactive . i chanted random things when the classes are going up to perform ... :x . Actually , we wanted to perform like in the middle , not the first or the last . but oh well , we're the last . "save the best for the last" teehee . ohoh ! and , when idk which class is performing , they're dancing to apink's nonono . so , me and my ultimate kpop partner sang like so loud asdfghjkl . During our performance , it's kinda awkward .. bc , we're on the stage .

To conclude , even though we didn't win anything for the performance , but we won the best behaved class . i'm proud of you all . Some of them feel sad and sorry , and he/she whatsapped me personally asking me if i'm disappointed , hahaha . jinjja pabo ya ! . ofc not ! winning is not the main idea . the main idea of everything is to bond everybody together ^^ . and Jeffrey is my fav sec one , Jonas is my second .

with Jeffrey . 

don't step handsome la . 

i know you very the famous in school now . 

but hehe , don't forget me k . 

sorry , i didn't take pic with the others , 

bc i don't have time :< . 

i'll take with you all some day ok . 

oh , the second day of the camp is just CCA tour . i was with my CCA .

Let it go .

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight ,
not a foot print to be seen .
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like i'm the queen .
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside .
Couldn't keep it in , heaven knows I tried .
Don't let them in , don't let them see .
Be the good girl you always have to be .
Conceal don't feel , don't let them know .
Well , now they know .

Let it go , let it go ,
Can't hold it back anymore .
Let it go , let it go ,
Turn away and slam the door .
I don't care what they're going to say ,
Let the storm rage on .
The cold never bothered me anyway .
It's funny how some distance ,
make everything seem small .
And the fears that once controlled me ,
can't get to me at all .
It's time to see what i can do ,
to test the limits and break through .
No right , no wrong , no rules for me , i'm free .

Let it go , let it go .
I'm the one with the wind and sky .
Let it go , let it go .
You'll never see me cry .
Here i stand , and here i'll stay .
Let the storm rage on .

My power flurries through the air into the ground .
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around ,
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast .
I'm never going back , the past is in the past .

Let it go , let it go .
And i'll rise like the break of dawn .
Let it go , let it go .
That perfect girl is gone .
Here i stand , in the light of ray .

Let the storm rage on .
The cold never bothered me anyway .