studies .

well , it have been a long time since i last blogged , so i decided to blog about a topic this time round . basically because there's nothing special or what happened recently . LEGGO .

As you can see from the title . it'll be on studies . alright , i'm fifteen this year . No longer a lower secondary student . stress built up itself . frankly speaking , i wanted to take art instead of amath or emath , well , personal reasons , made me gave up my first choice . at least , i'm kind of feeling better now . Although memories still runs pass my mind every now and then . but it's still better than being in that class . Two months have passed , and i already can feel the stress being an upper secondary student . there's no longer weekly tests , and i've found out the reasons why . it's basically because , without weekly test , we'll be having more than two test every week . but i managed to do well . 

I've been doing quite well for emath , physics . but amath and chemistry is a no no . amath's surds isn't easy . and i've been absent from school for three days which means i've missed lessons . 

to be honest , i kind of like it when i'm stressed with works . because i'll not have extra leisure time to let the memories flows . but when night falls , memories will start running pass . sigh , can't manage my studies and relationship . 

Common test next week , ah sigh sigh . geography , amath , and chem's ionic bonding cmf fail la . well . that's  all i have for this post . goodluck howei , can't make it , don't do it . okay ? hah . 

150220130000 ♥

it's valentine's ytd . something unbelievable happened .
honestly speaking , i've rejected alot of guys :x
can't even rmb the exact number

but i finally decided to give it a try , after my fifteen years being single .
well , everyone have to take a step from their original position .

dear Reece , i can't promise that i'll be the best , but i'm willing to try , be glad , you're my first . we've been through thick and thin , obstacles previously , so i believe that we're able to do it tgt if we encounter more without fail too . meet up soon k hah . by now you should know me quite well , i'm not like the other girls , i hardly maintain like a girl ha wtf . special enough k . haha last long to us :D 15022013 0000
love you ,  ♥
howei .

wow , what a long message . i've really ran out of ideas on what to include in the msg .

g'day

CNYYY

Hello ! i'm back blogging :D hais , still in m'sia :( day seven already uh . ha , self declared holidays .
Got alot of ang baos ! frankly speaking , i'd never like cny . bc staying at my paternal grandparents's house for days kills . all i could do is sleep , eat , stares at blank wall . LOLOL ha . but the good thing is , reunion with cousins la .

i still prefer staying at my maternal grandma's side . although there's no aircon . but i'm closer with that side's cousins . yeah , like those that i've mentioned in one of my previous post when i'm back from china . yea ! my cousin is like the best and prettiest guy i've ever met . hah treated me so well !

even though we met each other less than five times a year, he still treats me like his closest sister :') rmbring that day i went into the kitchen to get water bc i ate chili , he poured water for me and helped me to eat my part . hahah and said "你看啦, 叫你学吃辣又不要, 现在吃到一点点辣就像要死酱 XD 后悔了HORH ? " TSK. he even help me ate my noodle bc i was too full . HAH . miss him alot .

basically , everything's fine . leaving for singapore this sunday morning . sigh , cmf chop alot to catch up in sch . good luck . self declared holiday ending soon .

WOO ! guess whattttt ? for once we have seven sec ones joining cello and bass section ! clap clap ! 4 guys 3 girls ! i'm so so so so so so so so so touched ! :') hope that they'll stay and have fun and not LEAVE ! love them so much ! i'll treat them very good ! believe me >:) but , i'm afraid that there's not enough cello . uh sigh sigh .

there's another post ltr ! stay tuned

Broke down.

 ♥
to be honest , i have no idea why did things went this way . nothing's right . sigh . 
i've always want to break down for a long time . finally . it has been a hard time for me , not sure if anyone noticed it . well , i doubt so . someone whom i can trust , and share my things with , pour everything out to , is it that difficult ? that's what i wanted . fate maybe . 
keeping everything to oneself isn't something good , tend to have insomnia , worrying about things that doesn't even concern me . 
Trying my best to lose weight nowadays , i skipped meals even though i know that it's not healthy , it'll not help to slim down or whatever shit . in fact , gaining weight . why will i still do that even when i know the consequences ? simply bc that , i have no one to eat with . yah FA la . forever alone la i know . funny isn't it ? laugh the shit out thankyou . really , that's why i visited the library everyday . there's the only place where i don't feel awkward being alone . imagine eating alone in canteen . one person take one bench . woah daisai uh isn't it . somemore , there's a few ppl whom i'm afraid to met . coward much . and , if i ask ppl if i can join them for recess , i'm like super thick skin . and break them . why couldn't i just die when i'm sleeping or smth ? i don't think anyone will understand how i feel . that pain inside , that feeling when you just want to cry out loud but you're afraid that ppl may think that you're attention seeking . tbh . i really wanted to go somewhere far far away , nobody will be there , and cry shout whatever i want out loud , nobody will judge . realised that i'm super quiet in class . i'll never talk unless someone asked me things or smth . i think got me or not it doesn't even matter . can't wait to end my miserable secondary school life . really . i find my existence annoying extra , no one will appreciate me la horh . sigh , why must we only know how to cherish when someone's gone . 
and . i'm tired of faking smiles . 

chapter 2 , page 32 of 365

surprisingly , first of febuary fell on a friday , wow . it's already febuary , a new month , a new start . but obviously , somethings are still not forgotten . hating this so much , things that i want to forget are not forgotten , and things that i don't want to forget are forgotten . sighpie .
well , finally got to have my lunch with brandon and junheng . hah , it had been 3 weeks since we said that we should have lunch tgt one day . but due to the hectic schedule that we have , we didn't managed . Cindy didn't came along bc she wanted to chiong maple . haha wtf . so we had subway . and i was being laughed at bc i dk how to order . so previously , it's the person that i am eating with ordered for me . oh and , brandon said that 我吃东西很恐怖 . bc things kept dropping . haha , he wondered if there's any holes in my mouth . haha . he even snapped a pic of me when i'm eating . hmph . unglam la sial .
once in awhile , there's always something that made my day .
other than that , everything isn't fine . i've lost someone whom i could share my things with . sigh . now i know that how important that person is . no one to share my feelings with . this feeling sucks a lot y'know . hais . i'm like a extra soul wandering around now . single and free . no one to lean on , never someone's first priority . this sucks a lot . i swear . so saddening , depressing , whatever . i couldn't find a word to describe this feeling . sigh . i don't mind killing myself or what . since my existence will not affect anyone , but a burden . enough of all those .