Broke down.

 ♥
to be honest , i have no idea why did things went this way . nothing's right . sigh . 
i've always want to break down for a long time . finally . it has been a hard time for me , not sure if anyone noticed it . well , i doubt so . someone whom i can trust , and share my things with , pour everything out to , is it that difficult ? that's what i wanted . fate maybe . 
keeping everything to oneself isn't something good , tend to have insomnia , worrying about things that doesn't even concern me . 
Trying my best to lose weight nowadays , i skipped meals even though i know that it's not healthy , it'll not help to slim down or whatever shit . in fact , gaining weight . why will i still do that even when i know the consequences ? simply bc that , i have no one to eat with . yah FA la . forever alone la i know . funny isn't it ? laugh the shit out thankyou . really , that's why i visited the library everyday . there's the only place where i don't feel awkward being alone . imagine eating alone in canteen . one person take one bench . woah daisai uh isn't it . somemore , there's a few ppl whom i'm afraid to met . coward much . and , if i ask ppl if i can join them for recess , i'm like super thick skin . and break them . why couldn't i just die when i'm sleeping or smth ? i don't think anyone will understand how i feel . that pain inside , that feeling when you just want to cry out loud but you're afraid that ppl may think that you're attention seeking . tbh . i really wanted to go somewhere far far away , nobody will be there , and cry shout whatever i want out loud , nobody will judge . realised that i'm super quiet in class . i'll never talk unless someone asked me things or smth . i think got me or not it doesn't even matter . can't wait to end my miserable secondary school life . really . i find my existence annoying extra , no one will appreciate me la horh . sigh , why must we only know how to cherish when someone's gone . 
and . i'm tired of faking smiles .